Qualify

This is a HEAVY word. It carries a lot of trauma, baggage, hurt & pain. Yet nearly every time I enter a space of non-Indigenous Peoples & Indigenous Peoples, I have to QUALIFY.

What do I mean by qualify? Sit back; this post is going down a very rough road of harsh & hurtful truths.

I've experienced it most of my life.

I am tired of "qualifying."

Perhaps you, too, are doing it unknowingly to someone else & maybe one person will change from this post.

When I show up in a space to share my story, I know what most people think. First, I can feel their eyes wondering, "who is this?" or "why is she speaking," or worse, "she's the Indigenous speaker?"- questioning my identity.

You're right, I can't read their minds & know for sure what people are thinking, but when you've seen the looks & heard the comments, you just know.

Whether I'm showing up in a space to share my story with non-Indigenous Peoples or Indigenous Peoples, it's nearly the same every time.

If I tell them my trauma, my hurt, my loss, the gross details of the night my parents died, then I will qualify to be in that space to share.

I have to relive my trauma to be seen.

My hurt validates why I am the speaker.

The loss of my parents & my brother qualifies me to show up in that space.

I tell my story & I qualify.

Yes, I choose to share my story.

I choose to walk into a room & share my story free of judgment, all the while their faces tell me they've already made the decision that I don't belong.

I share my story & do you know what happens? The expression on their faces is what happens. They go from judging me to qualifying me.

I show up looking not Indigenous enough, for both Indigenous Peoples & non-Indigenous Peoples. And, so continues Métis Peoples struggle with Identity.

I'm judged for showing up within certain spaces.

UNTIL I expose my deep wounds of trauma.

UNTIL others decide my belonging.

UNTIL I qualify.

Qualifying has created new wounds.